Thu, 28 Aug 2008

Becoming Illegal (Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am
writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland
Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and
they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal
alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which
you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an
illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do
to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the
last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the
process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every
year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return
for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal
retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because
we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room
as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for
medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would
receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well
as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for
my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of
renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums.
This is very important to me given that I still have college age children
driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal
(retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most
appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA